Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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