fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
