i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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