I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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