i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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