Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
