But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
