I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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