Even the bartender felt bad for me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
