They should really pass out barf bags in church
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
