I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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