No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
