Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
