i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
