God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
