If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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