I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
