Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Two words: nipple clamps
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