I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
