i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
