Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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