i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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