Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
