I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
