it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
