therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
