maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
