I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
