just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
soo... how was my night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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