Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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