were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
