No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
