can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
