Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize