Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
