the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
They took my balls.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
