Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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