The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
