i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
