So drunk its hurt
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
