also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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