first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
