This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
