If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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