My liver just broke up with me...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just puked most of my soul out..
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