last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
birth control should be required to get into college
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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