its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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