GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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