just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
