Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The best revenge is premature balding
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
