Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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