im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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