I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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