508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
