Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So many bounce houses so little time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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