The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
