Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
