I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
