in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
