I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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