you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
