paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize