took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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