I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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