i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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