Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your penis caused this!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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