My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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