I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
