i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
