Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
