Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize