hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
