thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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