david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
